Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
