dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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