We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
