Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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