Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
