So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
