I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
