i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
