she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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