Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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