sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
