I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
