if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
