I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
