I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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