worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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