butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drunk is not a location!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
