New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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