Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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