I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
