just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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