My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
