we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this will be a night to untag.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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