he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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