I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
