I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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