need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's blow job season.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
