why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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