I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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