I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
