i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
