it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
