I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
