I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
