dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize