Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
