the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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