I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
