I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
