anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
