no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
