what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
