Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
