Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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