i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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