i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
