2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
