Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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