Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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