i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
