hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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