Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
