I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
