Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
