Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
