No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
