remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
