Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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