Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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