check it out our google latitudes are spooning
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
