No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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