My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
