i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
