...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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