were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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