Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
