he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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