Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
