your thong is hanging out like whoa
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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