The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.