And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law