Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.