I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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