If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
