We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
